Slow To Anger: Dealing with Arguments
“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires.” James 1:19-20 (NLT)
It would be nice if we could plan a wedding and enter our marriage without getting angry or upset about anything, wouldn’t it? How many couples successfully plan, survive the big day, and return from the honeymoon without any arguments? I would bet that not many can do it without at least one good, strong disagreement. Consider this great practice for all the disagreements coming your way! No matter how much you love each other, the arguments will arise. Learning how to deal with them can make all the difference.
When God created man and woman, He made both in His image, but not in the same way. We are different physically, emotionally, and spiritually. These differences cause us to have different perspectives of every situation, different dreams, different needs, and a different way of dealing with our anger. Women tend to get angry when they feel unloved. They get hurt when their fiancé or husband says or does something that feels unloving toward them. Men, on the other hand, get angry when they feel disrespected. They want the woman in their life to be fired up about them, not put them down with snide comments.
We know that the Bible tells us love is patient and love is kind. That verse is familiar to most people, especially those planning traditional weddings. We know the way we should ACT toward each other. However, the problem usually arises in the way we REACT toward each other. It is easy to get caught up in the argument. We often feel justified in our anger. We know that the other person is acting in a way that is hurtful, and we want to be hurtful back. We entered this relationship thinking things would be different. Surely God is on our side, right? Perhaps not! God asks us in the Book of James to be slow to anger. Instead of lashing out at the other person, we are called to listen to them. Perhaps what is really bothering them has nothing to do with the current argument. You may be fighting over the price of flowers, but the real issue could be how each of you manages money.
Everyone gets angry. Everyone reacts differently. Remember that God wants your marriage to succeed and following his guidance is a great start!